


Overcoming fears

by limamelon



Series: Facing forward [2]
Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, KanoKido Week 16, post-STR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6832597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limamelon/pseuds/limamelon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kido's musings about her fears through all her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overcoming fears

**Author's Note:**

> • **Prompt** : Fears
> 
> This is mainly written from Kido’s POV, set up post Summertime Record.
> 
> Once again thanks to Holly for beta reading all the nonsense I write~

Everyone had fears. Some people would be afraid of darkness, some others of scary things, there were probably people afraid of things some wouldn’t even consider. Some fears would be silly, others would be bigger and serious.

In Kido Tsubomi’s case, she had a fair amount of both. She wasn’t quite fond of ridiculous and childish stuff such as horror stories, or even insects. They were quite gross actually, ew. Those fears were rather silly, and even if a big part of the population were afraid of them Kido wouldn’t admit it, for being indeed stupid and childish.

Besides she had a image to keep up, what would the members of the dan she was the leader of say if they knew such idiotic things scared her to death? She purposely ignored the fact that most of them knew about it already and continued living her life, trying her best to avoid having to deal with her silly fears.

However, she had lived most of her life with other fears as well, fears that weren’t quite so simple as the ones listed previously.

To start with, the first time she experienced a big fear that hurt her deeply was when she was a little girl that still lived with her blood family, more like with her blood father and his family. She remembered feeling unwanted, being treated cautiously by everyone, feeling like a burden and that she shouldn’t be there even if no one was saying it, all because she was the child of a mistress of her father. But that was more than enough to wish over and over again to disappear from their sight, because what if they decided to get rid of her and kick her out? She wasn’t part of the family even if they publicly pretended to be, so they could just kick her out of their big house and their lives… What was she going to do, a little girl that didn’t like the night alone in the streets, where was she going to hide or sleep?

Of course that never happened and it was just that feeling of being unwanted which lead her to think that way, but she still continued to wish to disappear until she actually gained such ability, at cost of her family’s lives.

Was it her fault? She wanted to disappear herself, not them to disappear, how had it turned out that way?

She was left in an orphanage because there were no other relatives left for her and that was when she found out there was another thing she feared. Not much had changed from her previous life, in this new place people still treated her cautiously except for those two boys who shared a room with her, but now also people were afraid of her. She was mistaken for a spirit plenty of times and that was just so upsetting, the more she got upset because of that the less people noticed her existence which helped them to think that she was indeed a ghost. And still unwanted.

She developed a rather harsh personality because the world hadn’t been exactly nice to her during her short life, so she was always ready to reply back and defend herself even from those who were closer to her. She was just a small girl alone in the world, well, now trapped with two idiots that were helpless and annoying most of the time. Or maybe it was the fact that she feared to open up to anyone because they could just leave her alone like she had always been.

There was a period of time where her fears were in control most of the time and she didn’t feel unwanted. That was when the Tateyamas took them in and finally someone treated them as the little scared kids they were. Sure, it took a while to open up to them, but eventually she felt comfortable around them. Kenjirou was a rather goofy parent, way too different than what she remembered from her blood father, and he always was willing to play with them all like he was the fifth child. Ayaka didn’t treat her like there were any differences between her and Ayano like the differences she had experienced in her previous family with her real half sister. Ayaka even taught her how to cook, something she hadn’t been able to accomplish very well with the other three, and she was always glad to help her out in the kitchen ever since she was still young.

Her power of invisibility was still a big problem though, but Kano had made sure to always stay around to help her with that. Even if she didn’t notice it back then and sometimes even purposely ran away from him and everyone else to sulk alone, she was now quite aware of his help and how much his behavior that sometimes irritated her had helped her.

Maybe he didn’t know it, but she owed him big for that. He was her best friend after all and she had opened up to him and the others too. Of course Seto was also someone she considered a best friend, but he had always been somewhat distant and sort of weird, he hadn’t stuck by her side like Kano did especially after meeting Mary, but she still appreciated his friendship a lot.

Her fears returned after Ayaka and soon after Ayano passed away, wondering if they were meant to suffer through all their lives. Once again Kano had taken care of the situation and they tried to start a new life, playing the secret agents like when they were children.

She said it was silly, but she actually enjoyed feeling like she had people to take care of and protect, it gave her a purpose in life.

Though as she grew older a new fear appeared. Just like she appreciated her best friend’s help during the time she struggled with her ability the most, she realized that there was something that was off. She wasn’t the only one to notice, Seto did too, but neither of them did anything about it.

Well, she tried a few times, but words and actions weren’t exactly her forte, so she failed to break down the walls Kano was putting up. She knew him better than this, he was becoming weirder and weirder even if he insisted to act normally. A good thing about growing up with someone was that she knew him better than this and she knew that he was abusing his ability.

He hid his true feelings a lot, and after she found out about all the things he’d been keeping to himself, from Ayano’s death to Kenjirou, no, the snake controlling him… she became even more worried about him. How hadn’t he broken down earlier? He tried to weigh a lot all by himself and she had always told him that it wasn’t good for him yet he continued to do it and this was beyond what she could have ever thought of.

… Yet she wasn’t still the best support he could get. She had failed miserably to see all the pain and stress he was going through during these years, what kind of leader was she?

Her biggest fear became losing Kano.

Because even if the whole snake problem had ended, she knew he still wasn’t fine. There was no way he could be fine, not after all he’d been through. And his damned ability was still there to help him hide everything even after it was all over! He was once in control of that, when they were younger, but now it wasn’t the case.

Now she was in control of her ability and it was her turn to help her best friend to regain control, to see him smile genuinely like she’d seen him before… That seemed to be such a distant memory now.

Her fear gave her a new purpose, to help him out, that was the reason why she was the leader of this gang after all. He had named her the leader, she suspected it was also to help her being noticed, the problem she had struggled her whole life with and she had successfully overcome, so now it was his time to be noticed.

Not his mask, him.

No matter how long it’d take her, he hadn’t given up on her so she wasn’t going to give up on him, ever.

Kido never was good at expressing her feelings just for the fact that she lived the first years of her life feeling unwanted, but she knew that wasn’t the problem now. She knew she was wanted, all of her friends, the old and the new ones, were her new family and they cared about her just as much as she cared about them all, even if she wasn’t that close to some of them.

She was sure that if she’d found her way Kano could too, and he more than anyone else deserved to be happy.

Eventually she admitted to herself that her feelings for him weren’t merely platonic and that somehow the way she cared about Kano was different to how she felt about her other friends. Obviously she wasn’t going to admit this to anyone else, not even Kano, because now her priority was him, not her feelings for him.

Little did she know that her feelings were reciprocated, but both of them were too stubborn to admit it and take the lead, which was evident in the eyes of their other friends that knew them the best like Mary or Seto, but extremely unclear for themselves.

It was the middle of the night as Kido returned to her room from the bathroom, ready to continue sleeping. The whole base was silent and dark, so she’d taken her phone with her to use as a flashlight, still not fond of the darkness.

However she couldn’t help but notice that Kano’s room was iluminated even if the door was closed which was strange, he always slept with the lights off. Frowning a bit she went towards it and opened the door to check on him.

He was indeed not sleeping and sitting up on his bed, his lap covered by the quilt. He looked distressed for a moment but soon after he seemed to be just sleepy, which of course made her upset. He was hiding his feelings from her once again.

“Don’t do that, I just saw you, idiot.” She walked in and shut the door behind her, taking some steps closer to his bed.

“Ehhh? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kido,” he started but she glared at him in response. He hadn’t changed a single bit, which hurt her. She wasn’t trying hard enough apparently.

“Keep your lies for another time,” she went to sit down next to him. They had always been pretty close so this wasn’t really a weird thing for them. She flicked his forehead gently anyway, knowing that even that was enough to deactivate his stupid ability.

And so she saw it. He looked like he had been crying, which made her feel even worse.

“… what happened?” She asked, Kano having kept silent after she turned his ability off and looking away from her now.

“Nothing,” he sighed, glancing back to her.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” She scolded, staring at him intently, wondering what was hurting him and if this happened every night and she was unaware of it while she slept contently and warm in her bed.

Kano hesitated for a moment but he ended up giving in. It was pointless to try to hide it now that she’d seen his true feelings anyway and she was already worried, so maybe knowing what it was made her feel better.

“It was such a stupid nightmare,” he murmured, spacing out for a moment. It had been so real…

“Want to talk about it?” Kido suggested, unsure of what to say now but Kano simply shook his head. “It’s not real.” She added after.

The way he looked at her though, that made her doubt her own words.

“… have you ever had a dream that felt so real so you weren’t sure it hasn’t happened before?” He prompted, still not saying what his nightmare had been about.

Kido looked down for a moment, taking her time to reply. She had indeed had some dreams, more like nightmares, that felt so real… Some involving a lot of fire.

Since she was taking a long time to say anything Kano simply decided to talk again.

“Like I said-” he hurried to add with a mumble. “It was just a stupid nightmare, so it doesn’t matter.” Kido glanced back to him then, he still didn’t seem to be okay.

“If it’s so stupid then you can tell me about it. Talking about it will help you tell it wasn’t real,” she kept her composure as she spoke, worried about his wellbeing. She almost thought it was going to be another dead end, that he wasn’t going to open up to her once again and they were both going to remain upset for the rest of the night, but after some minutes of silence he actually replied to her.

“You were dead,” he said, staring at her. “… there was blood everywhere, your body was cold.” He reached over for her hand, to feel her warmth. “It… felt so real… I can still feel your cold hands in mine.” His voice broke after that as his gaze was fixed on their hands. “Do you think it’s a memory?” He whispered softly, his eyes with tears.

She just stared at him in disbelief for a moment. He was actually telling her how he was feeling after many, many times she tried to get him to do so, and he was being honest. His nightmare was about her dying… They both knew that they’d been in a time loop now and that they had been murdered over and over again countless times, so maybe it was indeed a memory…? She wasn’t quite sure, she did remember the fire nightmare and she was sure that it was a memory of hers, so this could… be one of his.

Just then she squeezed his hand, rather awkwardly because she wasn’t quite good at these affectionate gestures.

“I’m here,” she answered instead. “You’re here. We all are.” She felt like for once she was the strong leader she was supposed to be with everyone, but now with him too. “That’s all that matters…” her thumb gently stroked the back of his palm, feeling him tightening his grip on her hand. He ended up leaning his body against her side to hide his face from her and it wasn’t until she felt a tear falling onto her hand that she knew that he was silently crying and relying on her.

She protectively wrapped her arms around him, crush aside they were best friends and even if he was usually the one holding her when she was upset maybe it was time for things to change and to reciprocate the same support she had always counted on.

They stayed like that for quite some time until Kano finally pulled away from her, having calmed down enough already.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, and she knew he was being genuine. She knew he was being honest with himself and that was what she wanted the most in her life, once again she was overcoming a fear with him.

“Any time,” was her response, giving him a gentle smile.

That night she stayed with him which was actually quite soothing for him. Even if she slept like a log, in case he woke up from a horrible nightmare again she’d be sleeping by his side, warm and breathing and alive, and that was enough.


End file.
